Bingham Hall residence hall used to be filled with emptiness. When you first walked in, all you really had was a bunch of chairs, a couple tables, and, I guess, a pretty large TV too.
That all changed when she appeared.
She has a large black rectangular tabletop, shiny when the light bounces off her in just the right way. In the middle of her board is a large white BC logo, definitely one of her more undesirable traits, with a neat, black net over the top that perfectly separates both sides equally. Her legs are an obsidian black, matching her overall aesthetic with a crimson red, glossy finish that outlines her edges. She is the main focus when you walk into the Bingham dorm lobby.
She is brand new… and hardly used.
This she I am describing is the new Bingham Ping Pong Table. It has maybe been there for a couple weeks so far. I was so excited to see it, but I have never used it. In fact, during day hours, I NEVER see anyone use it. Why, you might ask? You would think it would be pretty popular to see people playing ping pong if it is one of the only forms of entertainment found in the residence hall, besides some piano upstairs on the third floor (I never hear anyone use it).
Dana Hall also has a ping pong table, and anytime I am over there or even just passing by, I generally see people using it. It could be daytime or at night. The paddles and the ball are always left neatly on one side of the net in Dana for anyone to use whenever they please.
Again, I present the question: why is the ping pong table in Bingham never used? It is because of the RAs – because they take her paddles and lock them away in the special, secret little RA room that is off-limits to anyone without access through their keycard. They hide the paddles away in a cardboard box, like a kitten abandoned on the side of the street in the rain. The paddles and the ball that accompanies them are basically locked behind bars, only being allowed out into freedom when the keyholders decide it to be so.
Conveniently enough, the time for the ping pong paddles and ball to be out is always when an RA is on duty, late at night. They are the only people I have ever seen use the ping pong table in Bingham, and to me, this is just unfair for all of Bingham and all of the people who visit Bingham. Mind you, I am out at night frequently a lot, so I see them either playing it when I leave, or they are playing it when I get back. Imagine if Dana locked up their ping pong table or their pool table. What if Kettering did the same thing with their pool table? Literally, what is the point of having a ping pong table in the middle of the lobby where everyone walks into Bingham if nobody can use it? Make it make sense.
I do not mean to be rude at all. I enjoy living in Bingham, and I love my RA on my floor. This is mainly satirical, as was the Message to Public Safety, but please. I want to play ping pong so bad. I want to walk into Bingham after being ear fucked by one of my professors and just play a nice game of competitive ping pong with my roommate. I desperately want to play ping pong without having to walk all the way over to Dana. Please Bingham RAs. Please let the paddles be free for all of us to use.
UPDATE: The paddles and balls are now available to be used in Bingham.
2 responses to “Ping Pong Please ~ A Message to Bingham RAs”
Thank goodness someone is bringing these important issues to light! Ping Pong is the sacred and inalienable right of all peoples, one blood, two paddles. I urge the Bingham RAs to resolve this injustice posthaste!
Bruh my bad. It’s fixed now.